05/14/2026

A pretense to what comes next. In this post I will be doing things a little different. This will be much more freeform and open and if I say anything that would get me thrown in jail, it's fiction.

When I think about the friends I've made over the last 2 decades I can't help but think. "How the hell did I get here". but I don't say that in a bad way. Quite the opposite. I'm grateful for all my friends, each of them are nothing like me, yet I know I learn and pull so much from them. I would not be the whole "me" without them. But yet, my friends confuse me, for they think in ways I can not fathom. At least, they used to. Over the years I pride myself on an abiltiy to get along with anyone. make friends anywhere. and even get a leg up for the future to use against those who I seem to dislike, even if it's in little ways. But now, it's different. I spend less direct time around people in general, and when covid happened it seemed everything changed. I can't quite touch people the way I used to. perhaps it was my youthful vigor that carried much more sway over others and now, when I'm no different than any other man whose come before me. Because I look no different, I can't gain sway. I lost that part of myself in New Ninivah and quite frankly I don't care to know who stole it anymore. because deep down I know what's mine will posion any other. stated. But also because who I am now, self-made, is much more statisfying. I understand politics is a volitile language but it is the core of human socitey. True society, the one we each live in. Politics is the dance. Do I love it? no, I am no different than any other man. But I don't turn away, I wish to engage. I wish to see it function, and function well. away from personal squable and to dream for something more. I see visions of the future from time to time. and in the cards I've seen whispers. but the Future isn't real. for it is not here, and it never is what it says it will be. But that's the beauty of the now. Why in the cards we see a moment, because it is in a moment everything can change. This is poltics, the moments to moments that lead to the next thing. We make choices today.

And I'm back. didn't know where I went, I think a friend started blowing up my phone or something. idk tiktok is a drug. anyways. The next part of this open letter to the ditigal world of the internet is just me grabbing at grains of thought that come to mind. ready, set, GO!

Human condition is a place of mind, not state. state implies substance but place defines location. Location is where we are, where many things are. If we can define location, position, of destination, desire. could we control the present. ideas set goal or direction. I can say these things but what makes it. If we TRULY believe we failed ourselves then the present is wasted. we believe the moment is the finish line. It could be better defined. No I think - if I look at the moment. and believe that this isn't the end. not the beginning, but perhaps somewhere in the process. perhaps, I don't handle stress well. a theory of self character. what does, different, look like. a spell to cast, I DO have the ability to make changes, even when I don't make those changes. just because i didn't doesn't mean I can't.

Further space. flow state isn't always just in the moment, we can build to it. I just have to really grasp not with force but reslove. not just reslove but comfort. not just comfort but grace. in grace understanding. with understanding, sound peace. The mind is a tool better honed for my sake, and not my undoing. but when OVERWHELMED, I find myself lost at sea. a torrent of emotion, notion, thought, miscommunication, words not said. But that is a PLACE, or lack of place. so where are these locations.

Theory: In the moment. Nothing is touching me but the keyboard under my fingers, the desk on my left wrist. the mat on my right elbow. the shirt on my chest. lunch in my stomach. butt on the seat, backrest on my lower spine. spine (better center on my core) aligned. Here, I am safe and sound. the torrents of the world, that is still very much moving. violence, desiease, death even. Injustice, shame, guilt, fear. uncertainty. but in this moment. i am safe. How to I bring here to the world? if the whole world where here. would the world be solved. the answer. yes. yes it would. but the reality is we can't. but how can we make moments like this. I think that is a good foundation for something to build off of. So that's what I want to work towards. what is safe to others, what is true safe and what is false safe. what is really helping.